Lead By Example If You Want Your Children To Learn
Posted on May 16, 2008
Every parent likes to brag on their children and I’m no exception. I can’t help but feel proud when I see my boys (I have three) taking actions that I know came from something I said or did over the years. Incidents last year and again this year lead me to believe that they are not only listening (they’d never admit it publicly), but observing and taking actions that will enhance their lives.
I’ve been a motorcycle rider my entire adult life. No, I’m not one of those cult members who have to wear just the right clothes or a certain type helmet when I ride. I don’t have any tattoos or facial hair; in fact, my barber tries to add a finder’s fee when I get a haircut. I’ve taken a few multi-day trips, but I’m more of a recreational rider who just likes to occasionally get out on a nice day, cruise around and feel the wind blowing across my face.
This year, like most, the battery in my bike was dead when I went to start it the first time. As little as I ride, I’ve found that motorcycle batteries only last one season. I wasn’t surprised when I had to go buy a new one this spring. It’s an annual ritual. Go get a new battery, get the bike running, take it to be serviced and inspected, ride it a few times during the summer and then put it back in the garage so the battery can die by the next spring. But, this year was different.
My two younger sons are also motorcycle riders and much more avid about it than me. We all ride Hondas. The youngest has a Honda Shadow 750, his brother a Honda VTX 1300, both of which have loud exhausts that you can hear coming from a mile away. Their old man rides a nice quiet Honda Goldwing. The boys’ bikes are much newer than mine, which brings me to point of this story. There’s nothing like having the latest and greatest new motorcycle as long as you can afford it and it doesn’t keep you from buying other things that may be more important.
A couple of years ago my middle son traded his Honda Shadow 750 for the Honda VTX he now rides and last year he tried to get his younger brother to do the same. Youngest son really liked the new VTX, but decided instead to keep his Shadow 750 and save the money. As a result, he was recently able to buy a home in Enterprise, Alabama where he is in military flight school and is now renting two of his extra rooms to another pilot. He plans to keep the house as an investment property when he relocates after completing his flight training.
This year, older brother got the urge to trade his like new VTX for a new Harley-Davidson. He thought I should trade my 15 year old Goldwing for a new Harley as well. We rode out to the Harley dealership together and had a discussion on the way. I asked how he was going to pay for a new bike if he got one. His plan was to take money he had saved, use it as a down payment and finance the balance until he could sell his VTX and pay off the loan.
I pointed out that the economy seemed to be heading for recession and asked him what he would do if he couldn’t sell the VTX. He hadn’t considered that possibility. As our discussion continued, I pointed out that if he kept putting money into his savings account, and waited until next spring, he would probably have enough to get the new Harley and pay cash for it, if he still wanted one then. For several days he kept talking about getting the Harley this year. Eventually, I learned that he was planning to go to the beach for bike week with a group of Harley riders and he was the only one with a Honda.
Fortunately, his better judgment overcame his emotions. I knew because he said, “Dad, I’ve decided that my bike is just fine, so I’m going to save my money and wait until next year or the year after to get a new one.” Although we had discussed that option, it was his decision. I didn’t pressure him to do it, I merely suggested several options and that’s the one he chose.
What I hadn’t told him until after he had made his decision was that I had already decided to buy a new bike this year. I showed him the bank account where I had been making deposits to replace my 15 year old Goldwing ever since I purchased it in 1993. The account now had far more than enough in it to pay cash for the new 2008 model I purchased. This let him see that I actually live what I advocate.
Here’s a tip! Many parents give advice by telling their children to do this and do that, but the children never see the parents doing the things they preach about. Children learn much more from examples than from lectures. Believe me, I know, I’ve tried both. As much as the temptation is there to do so, lecturing is the quickest way to get children to tune out and turn off. I’ve given my children some of the best lectures a parent could give only to find that they couldn’t repeat anything I said five minutes later.
On the other hand, the impact of watching me write a check for a beautiful new bike from an account set aside for that purpose allowed my sons see that I do what I’ve been talking and writing about. It’s a lesson about discipline and stick-to-itiveness that will impact them for the rest of their lives and one you too can teach your children if you show them the rewards that come with having patience, persistence and discipline.
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